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Making the decision for your spouse to move to Costa Rica is probably not a good idea. Maybe your eyes see a different Costa Rica than your spouse does?
As we all know, men and women see things differently, though they’re both looking at the same thing. It’s one of those things that make a marriage interesting! But when you live in Costa Rica or when you are planning to do so in the future, those differences can become a serious matter for unhappiness and even for divorce.
If you have been married for many years, you usually know each other well, weaknesses and strengths, likes and dislikes. While doing your due diligence for moving to Costa Rica, are you both seeing the same attractions, the same advantages, and the same disadvantages of moving to another country and another culture? You probably don’t, even though you’re convinced you are and that is what today’s blog is all about.
In Costa Rica, in case you didn’t know, the locals speak Spanish, have a Latin American culture, and think very different from what you are used to. Where things have logic in their minds, they might not have any logic to you at all. While you would resolve a problem one way, they might resolve the same problem in a completely different way. Who said your way is the correct one?
An old friend of mine, who had studied at the University for Tropical Agriculture in Wageningen, Holland, had his first job in teaching Costa Rican farmers how things SHOULD be done to be able to be a successful farmer. The class was about cutting trees for fence posts when needed and my friend would not believe the native farmer from the Peninsula de Osa down south that the trees should be cut during the waning moon. Three months later, when all the fences were falling down, my friend would believe the experienced farmer. From then on, he saw tropical farming through different eyes than he ever had in school.
This is how a waning moon looks like
I never forget this client I had many years ago, who was looking to have a sabbatical for a few years and give their daughter a chance to a bi-lingual education in a different culture for a few years.
The husband flew to Costa Rica, to stay for a week, and find the right house to purchase. They had never been to Costa Rica and his spouse and daughter stayed home in Arizona while we looked for their new home. We found a great deal, made an offer, and put in the option to purchase – sale agreement to close 30 days later, which would give him time to bring his family and household down.
I was very surprised to find a man to shop for a home without his wife. I asked him right away “you sure you want to purchase a home without your wife having been to Costa Rica and even without seeing the house you’re buying”? A smart man leaves this important decision to his wife; he only carries the checkbook and a pen. His answer was “stop worrying, I know what my wife wants”.
Click to enlarge – Image from La Nacion, by Quino
Long story short, his spouse hated Costa Rica, hated the house, and cried her eyes out for two months in a row. She was not committed to the move to Costa Rica. But, eventually, once she started meeting people, making friends, and finding her way around things got better. Then, when she found the Multiplaza shopping mall, met people to play tennis, and learned some basic Spanish, she started to adjust to her new environment. She actually started to like it here.
I don’t know if the husband paid dearly for the mistake of taking this kind of decision for her, my wife would have made me pay for it, I’m sure of that. Men simply see through different eyes than women do as you can see in the above cartoon by Quino, a famous Argentine cartoonist who is mainly famous for his comic strip Mafalda. This particular cartoon was published in the La Nacion newspaper recently.
The clients, after a few years of enjoying Costa Rica living, moved back to Arizona and lived happily ever after, I assume.
